Self-Awareness

Understanding yourself deeply and accurately.

What Is Self-Awareness?

Self-awareness: The capacity to recognize and understand your own: - Emotions and feelings - Thoughts and beliefs - Behaviors and patterns - Values and motivations - Strengths and weaknesses - Impact on others

It's the foundation of emotional intelligence.

Why Self-Awareness Matters

Better Decisions

When you understand yourself: - You know what you really want - You recognize your biases - You make choices aligned with values - You avoid reactive decisions

Improved Relationships

Self-aware people: - Communicate more clearly - Take responsibility for their actions - Understand their triggers - Manage their reactions better

Personal Growth

You can't change what you don't recognize: - Identify patterns - Spot areas for improvement - Track progress - Learn from experience

Authenticity

Know who you are: - Act consistently with values - Present genuinely - Feel less inner conflict - Build self-trust

Components of Self-Awareness

1. Emotional Self-Awareness

Recognizing your emotions in the moment

Questions to ask: - What am I feeling right now? - How intense is this feeling? - Where do I feel it in my body? - What triggered this emotion?

Body Scanning

Emotions show up physically: - Tightness in chest or throat - Stomach sensations - Muscle tension - Temperature changes - Breathing patterns

Check in with your body regularly

2. Accurate Self-Assessment

Realistic understanding of strengths and limitations

Know your: - Strengths: What you're good at - Weaknesses: Where you struggle - Blind spots: What you don't see about yourself - Growth edges: Where you're developing

Balance

Avoid: - Overconfidence: Thinking you're better than you are - Impostor syndrome: Thinking you're worse than you are

Aim for accurate self-perception

3. Self-Confidence

Trust in your abilities and worth

Not about being perfect: - Knowing your capabilities - Trusting yourself to handle challenges - Believing you deserve respect - Comfort in your own skin

Comes from: - Accurate self-assessment - Past successes - Self-compassion - Growth mindset

4. Value Clarity

Understanding what matters most to you

Your values guide: - Decisions - Goals - Relationships - How you spend time

Common values: - Family, friendship, love - Achievement, success, excellence - Creativity, learning, growth - Freedom, autonomy, independence - Justice, fairness, integrity - Security, stability, comfort

5. Pattern Recognition

Seeing recurring themes in your life

Notice patterns in: - Relationships: Keep choosing similar partners? Same conflicts? - Work: Same issues at every job? - Reactions: Always respond the same way to certain triggers? - Outcomes: Similar results in different situations?

Pattern Recognition

Pattern: Every close relationship ends with you feeling abandoned

Possible insights: - You pick emotionally unavailable people - You push people away when you get scared - You have abandonment wounds to heal - Your definition of "close" scares others away

Developing Self-Awareness

Introspection

Spend time thinking about yourself

Questions to explore: - What do I value most? - What makes me happy? - What triggers strong reactions in me? - What patterns do I notice? - What am I avoiding? - What do I need?

Set aside time: - Daily: 5-10 minutes reflecting - Weekly: Longer journaling session - Monthly: Review patterns and progress

Journaling

Write regularly about your experiences

Prompts: - How am I feeling today? - What went well? What didn't? - What did I learn about myself? - What patterns am I noticing? - What do I want to change?

Types: - Stream of consciousness: Write whatever comes - Prompted: Answer specific questions - Gratitude: What you're thankful for - Emotion tracking: Log your feelings

Mindfulness

Present-moment awareness without judgment

Practices: - Meditation: Sitting quietly, observing thoughts - Body scans: Noticing physical sensations - Mindful activities: Full attention on what you're doing - Breathing exercises: Focus on breath

Benefits: - Notice thoughts as they arise - Recognize emotions earlier - Less reactive - More choice in responses

Feedback from Others

Ask how you come across

Questions: - "How do I show up in this relationship?" - "What's it like to work with me?" - "What's one thing I could do differently?" - "How did my behavior affect you?"

Receiving Feedback

Listen without defending
Ask clarifying questions
Thank them for sharing
Reflect on it later
Decide what resonates

Not all feedback is accurate, but all contains information

Therapy or Coaching

Professional help with self-understanding

A good therapist/coach helps you: - See blind spots - Understand patterns - Process emotions - Make sense of your history - Develop healthier patterns

Personality Assessments

Structured frameworks for understanding yourself

Popular tools: - Myers-Briggs (MBTI): Cognitive preferences - Big Five: Five major personality traits - Enneagram: Core motivations and fears - StrengthsFinder: Natural talents - DiSC: Behavioral styles

Don't Over-Rely

These tools are: - Starting points for reflection - Not definitive labels - Describing tendencies, not destiny - Limited models of complex humans

Use as guides, not boxes

Areas of Self-Awareness

Emotional Triggers

What sets off strong reactions?

Common triggers: - Feeling controlled or constrained - Being ignored or dismissed - Criticism or judgment - Rejection or abandonment - Injustice or unfairness - Feeling incompetent - Being lied to or deceived

Once you know your triggers: - You're less reactive - You can communicate them - You can work on healing them - Others can be more sensitive

Trigger Awareness

Trigger: Someone canceling plans last minute

Without awareness: Blow up at them, ruin relationship

With awareness: "I notice I'm triggered. I have fears about abandonment. Let me take a breath and respond thoughtfully."

Defense Mechanisms

How you protect yourself from discomfort

Common defenses: - Denial: Refusing to acknowledge reality - Projection: Seeing your issues in others - Rationalization: Making excuses - Displacement: Taking it out on someone else - Intellectualization: Avoiding feelings by analyzing - Humor/Sarcasm: Deflecting with jokes

These are automatic, but you can learn to notice them: - "I'm making excuses right now" - "I'm deflecting with humor" - "I'm blaming others instead of looking at myself"

Core Beliefs

Deep-seated beliefs about yourself, others, and the world

Examples: - "I'm not good enough" - "People can't be trusted" - "I have to be perfect" - "The world is dangerous" - "I'm unlovable"

These beliefs: - Often formed in childhood - Run in the background - Influence everything - Can be changed with awareness and work

Values vs. Actual Behavior

Do your actions match what you say matters?

Exercise: 1. List your top 5 values 2. Track time for a week 3. Where did time actually go? 4. Do they match?

Value-Behavior Mismatch

Say you value: Health, family, creativity

Actually spend time on: Work, TV, phone

Insight: Your stated values don't match your lived values

Impact on Others

How your behavior affects people

Questions: - How do people typically react to me? - What feedback do I get repeatedly? - Who do I bring out the best in? - Who do I tend to clash with? - What's my reputation?

Others' reactions provide information: - If multiple people say the same thing, probably some truth - If you keep having the same conflict, explore your role - If people consistently feel a certain way around you, investigate why

Things you don't see about yourself

Everyone has them. Common blind spots:

1. Your Strengths

Many people don't recognize what they're naturally good at: - It comes easily, so seems unremarkable - You assume everyone can do it - You take it for granted

2. Your Impact

You may not realize: - How much space you take up - How intimidating or exciting you are - How your mood affects others - What people notice about you

3. Your Patterns

From inside, it feels like circumstances: - "I just keep meeting the wrong people" - "Every boss I've had is difficult" - "People always let me down"

From outside, the pattern is clear: Common denominator is you.

4. Your Defenses

Hard to see your own: - Denial: Can't see what you're denying - Projection: Your stuff looks like theirs - Rationalization: Your excuses seem reasonable to you

Ask others: "What don't I see about myself?"
Notice patterns: Same result repeatedly = look at your role
Pay attention to feedback: Especially if you hear it multiple times
Get therapy: Professionals can see what you can't
Reflect on reactions: Strong reactions often point to blind spots

Self-Awareness Challenges

Painful Truths

Sometimes self-awareness means facing: - Ways you've hurt others - Parts of yourself you don't like - Difficult realizations about your past - Things you need to change

This can be uncomfortable, but it's necessary for growth.

Self-Compassion

Balance self-awareness with self-compassion: - See yourself clearly and treat yourself kindly - Recognize flaws without harsh judgment - Take responsibility without shame - Pursue growth from self-love, not self-hatred

Overthinking

Too much introspection can become: - Rumination: Dwelling on negatives - Analysis paralysis: Thinking instead of acting - Navel-gazing: Self-absorption - Avoidance: Thinking about yourself instead of living

Balance introspection with action and engagement.

Changing Self-Concept

Who you think you are might be: - Based on outdated information - Influenced by others' projections - Defensive self-protection - Limited by fear

Be willing to update your self-concept as you grow.

Practical Self-Awareness Tools

Daily Check-In

3 minutes, morning or evening: 1. How am I feeling? 2. What do I need today? 3. What's one thing I learned about myself recently?

Emotion Wheel

Use Plutchik's wheel or similar: - Point to what you're feeling - Get more specific - Notice patterns over time

Value Ranking

List 10-15 values: - Rank them - Re-rank monthly - Notice shifts

Pattern Journal

When you notice a pattern: - Describe it - When does it happen? - What's my role in it? - What need is it meeting? - What would I rather do?

Decision Review

After significant decisions: - What did I decide? - Why? - What values drove it? - What emotions influenced it? - Am I happy with it? - What do I learn about myself?

Practice Exercises

Exercise 1: Morning Pages

Write 3 pages every morning: - Stream of consciousness - Don't edit or censor - Notice themes over time

Exercise 2: Emotion Tracking

For one week, note emotions 3x daily: - What am I feeling? - How intense (1-10)? - What triggered it? - Look for patterns at end of week

Exercise 3: Values Clarification

List 20 things you value
Narrow to top 10
Narrow to top 5
Write why each matters
Check if your life reflects these

Exercise 4: Feedback Request

Ask 3 people: - One strength they see in you - One area for growth - How you make them feel - One thing they appreciate about you

Next: Emotional Regulation - Learn to manage your emotions effectively