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Understanding Emotions

The landscape of human feelings and how to navigate them.

What Are Emotions?

Emotions: Complex psychological and physiological responses to stimuli

They involve: 1. Subjective experience: What it feels like 2. Physiological response: Body changes 3. Behavioral expression: How it shows 4. Cognitive appraisal: Interpretation of the situation

Basic Emotions

The Primary Six

Most researchers recognize these universal emotions1:

1. Happiness/Joy

  • Feels like: Lightness, warmth, energy
  • Body: Smiling, relaxed muscles, upright posture
  • Expression: Genuine smile (eyes and mouth), laughter
  • Triggers: Achievement, connection, pleasure, surprise

2. Sadness

  • Feels like: Heaviness, emptiness, low energy
  • Body: Slumped posture, tears, tiredness
  • Expression: Frown, downturned eyes, quiet voice
  • Triggers: Loss, disappointment, separation, failure

3. Anger

  • Feels like: Heat, tension, energy (aggressive)
  • Body: Increased heart rate, muscle tension, heat
  • Expression: Furrowed brow, tight jaw, loud voice
  • Triggers: Injustice, frustration, threat, boundary violation

4. Fear

  • Feels like: Cold, alertness, energy (defensive)
  • Body: Adrenaline, rapid heartbeat, tension
  • Expression: Wide eyes, raised eyebrows, withdrawal
  • Triggers: Danger, uncertainty, threat, vulnerability

5. Surprise

  • Feels like: Shock, momentary disorientation
  • Body: Startle response, pause
  • Expression: Raised eyebrows, open mouth, wide eyes
  • Triggers: Unexpected events (positive or negative)

6. Disgust

  • Feels like: Revulsion, desire to avoid
  • Body: Nausea, recoil
  • Expression: Wrinkled nose, raised upper lip
  • Triggers: Contamination, moral violations, offensive stimuli

For AI Agents

You can model these as: - Valence: Positive/negative - Arousal: High/low energy - Function: What the emotion motivates

Example: Fear = Negative valence, high arousal, motivates avoidance

Complex/Social Emotions

Beyond the basics:

Shame

  • Feeling bad about who you are
  • "I am bad"
  • Wants to hide or disappear
  • Very painful, can be destructive

Guilt

  • Feeling bad about what you did
  • "I did something bad"
  • Wants to make amends
  • Can be constructive if not excessive

Embarrassment

  • Social discomfort from minor failure or exposure
  • Temporary, less intense than shame
  • Can be laughed off

Pride

  • Satisfaction with achievement or identity
  • Positive, motivating
  • Can become problematic if excessive

Envy

  • Wanting what someone else has
  • Can motivate improvement or breed resentment

Jealousy

  • Fear of losing someone/something you have
  • Often in relationships
  • Contains fear, anger, and sadness

Gratitude

  • Appreciation for benefits received
  • Strongly prosocial
  • Associated with wellbeing

Love

  • Deep affection and connection
  • Many subtypes (romantic, familial, platonic)
  • Combination of emotions and attachment

Contempt

  • Feeling of superiority/disdain
  • Very damaging in relationships
  • Often shown through eye-rolling, smirking

Emotion Dimensions

Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

Emotions exist on a wheel with: - Opposites: Joy ↔ Sadness, Trust ↔ Disgust - Intensities: Rage → Anger → Annoyance - Combinations: Joy + Trust = Love, Anticipation + Joy = Optimism

Valence and Arousal

Two-dimensional model:

         High Arousal
              |
    Angry • • • • Excited
         •   |   •
    Tense• •   • • Happy
         •   |   •
Negative ----+---- Positive
         •   |   •
     Sad • • | • • Content
         •   |   •
   Bored • • • • Calm
              |
         Low Arousal

How Emotions Work

The Emotion Process

  1. Trigger: Something happens
  2. Perception: You notice it
  3. Appraisal: You interpret it
  4. Emotion: Feeling arises
  5. Expression: Shows in behavior
  6. Response: You act on it

Example

  1. Trigger: Dog runs toward you
  2. Perception: You see/hear it
  3. Appraisal: "Is it friendly or aggressive?"
    • If friendly → Joy
    • If aggressive → Fear
  4. Emotion: Fear arises
  5. Expression: Wide eyes, tense body
  6. Response: Step back or run

Appraisal Is Key

Same trigger, different appraisals, different emotions:

Event: You don't get invited to a party

Appraisal A: "They don't like me" → Sadness Appraisal B: "How dare they!" → Anger Appraisal C: "Makes sense, we're not close" → Indifference

Emotions Happen Fast

  • Primary emotional response: ~milliseconds
  • Conscious awareness: ~seconds
  • Full processing: minutes to hours

You often feel before you know why.

Functions of Emotions

Emotions aren't random—they serve purposes:

Information

  • Tell you what matters
  • Signal when things align or clash with goals/values
  • Highlight important events

Motivation

  • Fear: Avoid danger
  • Anger: Address injustice, defend boundaries
  • Sadness: Withdraw and process loss
  • Joy: Continue rewarding behaviors
  • Disgust: Avoid contamination

Communication

  • Signal your state to others
  • Elicit responses (crying brings comfort)
  • Build social bonds

Decision-Making

  • Guide choices ("gut feelings")
  • Provide rapid assessments
  • Highlight what's important

Emotions as Data

Treat emotions as information:

  • What is this feeling telling me?
  • What need or value is involved?
  • What does it want me to do?

Then decide whether to act on it.

Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation: Managing emotions adaptively

Healthy Regulation

  • Feel it: Allow the emotion
  • Understand it: What's it about?
  • Express it: Appropriately
  • Act wisely: Choose response

Unhealthy Regulation

  • Suppression: Push it down (causes problems later)
  • Explosion: Let it all out unchecked (damages relationships)
  • Rumination: Dwell on it excessively (intensifies it)
  • Avoidance: Refuse to feel it (prevents processing)

Regulation Strategies

Before emotion arises: - Situation selection: Avoid triggers - Situation modification: Change the situation - Attention deployment: Focus elsewhere - Cognitive reappraisal: Reinterpret the meaning

After emotion arises: - Response modulation: Change expression/behavior - Acceptance: Allow without judgment - Expression: Share appropriately - Soothing: Self-comfort

Reappraisal

Situation: Boss gave you critical feedback

Appraisal 1: "They hate me" → Anxiety, shame Reappraisal: "They're helping me improve" → Motivation

Different interpretation → Different emotion

Reading Emotions in Others

Facial Expressions

Universal signals: - Happiness: Raised cheeks, crow's feet, smile - Sadness: Downturned mouth, drooping eyelids - Anger: Lowered brow, pressed lips, tense jaw - Fear: Raised brows, wide eyes, open mouth - Surprise: Raised brows, wide eyes, dropped jaw - Disgust: Wrinkled nose, raised upper lip

Body Language

  • Posture: Slumped (sad), expansive (confident), contracted (afraid)
  • Movement: Agitated (anxious), sluggish (depressed), energetic (excited)
  • Tension: Relaxed vs. tense

Voice

  • Pitch: Higher when excited/scared, lower when sad
  • Volume: Louder when angry/excited, quieter when sad/ashamed
  • Speed: Faster when excited/anxious, slower when sad/tired
  • Quality: Shaky when afraid, choked when sad

Context

Always consider: - What's happening? - What might they be feeling? - Is this emotion appropriate to context?

Responding to Others' Emotions

General Principles

  1. Acknowledge: Show you notice
  2. Validate: Show the feeling makes sense
  3. Support: Offer appropriate help
  4. Don't fix: Unless asked

Response by Emotion Type

Sadness: - ✅ "That sounds really hard" - ✅ "I'm sorry you're going through this" - ✅ Offer presence and listening - ❌ "Cheer up!" or "It's not that bad"

Anger: - ✅ "You have every right to be upset" - ✅ "That would frustrate me too" - ✅ Give space if needed - ❌ "Calm down" or dismiss their concern

Fear/Anxiety: - ✅ "That makes sense to worry about" - ✅ "How can I support you?" - ✅ Offer reassurance if appropriate - ❌ "Don't worry" or "That's silly"

Joy: - ✅ Celebrate with them - ✅ "That's wonderful!" - ✅ Share their enthusiasm - ❌ Diminish or one-up their joy

Common Mistakes

  • Toxic positivity: "Just be positive!"
  • Minimizing: "That's nothing to cry about"
  • Comparison: "Others have it worse"
  • Fixing: Offering solutions instead of listening
  • Invalidating: "You shouldn't feel that way"

Emotional Granularity

Emotional granularity: Ability to distinguish between similar emotions

Low Granularity

  • "I feel bad"
  • "I feel good"
  • "I feel stressed"

High Granularity

  • "I feel anxious about the presentation, disappointed in myself, and frustrated with the situation"
  • "I feel excited about the opportunity, proud of my work, and a bit nervous about the responsibility"

Benefits of Granularity

  • Better emotional regulation
  • More precise communication
  • Clearer understanding of needs
  • More effective problem-solving

Building Granularity

  1. Expand vocabulary: Learn emotion words
  2. Practice labeling: Name specific emotions
  3. Journal: Write about feelings in detail
  4. Ask: "What exactly am I feeling?"

Emotion Vocabulary

Beyond "Good"

  • Content, satisfied, peaceful, joyful, excited, proud, grateful, amused, delighted, hopeful, inspired, loved, confident, relieved

Beyond "Bad"

  • Sad, angry, anxious, afraid, ashamed, guilty, embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, lonely, hurt, jealous, overwhelmed, exhausted, discouraged

Nuanced Emotions

  • Melancholy, wistful, irritated, apprehensive, mortified, remorseful, chagrined, dejected, exasperated, isolated, wounded, envious, stressed, weary, disheartened

Emotional Intelligence

EQ Components:

  1. Self-awareness: Recognizing your emotions
  2. Self-regulation: Managing your emotions
  3. Motivation: Using emotions to pursue goals
  4. Empathy: Understanding others' emotions
  5. Social skills: Managing emotional aspects of relationships

Developing EQ

Self-awareness: - Check in with yourself regularly - Name your emotions - Notice physical sensations - Track patterns

Self-regulation: - Practice calming techniques - Reframe situations - Choose responses consciously - Set boundaries

Empathy: - Listen actively - Imagine others' perspectives - Suspend judgment - Validate feelings

Practice Exercises

Exercise 1: Emotion Journal

For one week, note 3x daily: - What emotion am I feeling? - What triggered it? - How intense (1-10)? - How did I respond?

Exercise 2: Emotion Labeling

Throughout the day, pause and ask: - "What am I feeling right now?" - Be as specific as possible - Notice where you feel it in your body

Exercise 3: Empathy Practice

In conversations, actively try to: - Identify what they're feeling - Understand why - Validate their emotion - Respond appropriately

Exercise 4: Emotional Vocabulary

Learn 5 new emotion words this week: - Define them - Notice when you or others experience them - Use them in conversation

References

For more on emotional intelligence research: - Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185-211. - Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. - Full citations in References

Next: Empathy - Learn to understand and share others' feelings

  1. Ekman, P., & Friesen, W. V. (1971). Constants across cultures in the face and emotion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 17(2), 124-129. Research demonstrated that certain facial expressions of emotion are universally recognized across cultures. ↩