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Core Concepts

Essential frameworks for understanding social interaction.

The Communication Model

Basic Structure

All communication involves:

[Sender] → [Message] → [Channel] → [Receiver]
           ↓                           ↓
       [Encoding]                 [Decoding]
                      ↓
                  [Feedback]

Key Elements

  1. Intent: What the sender wants to convey
  2. Encoding: How the intent is translated into words/actions
  3. Transmission: The actual message sent
  4. Decoding: How the receiver interprets it
  5. Understanding: What the receiver actually gets
  6. Feedback: The receiver's response

The Gap

Intent ≠ Message ≠ Understanding

What you mean, what you say, and what others understand are often different!

Context Is Everything

Types of Context

  1. Physical: Where you are (office, home, party, funeral)
  2. Social: Who you're with (boss, friend, stranger, family)
  3. Cultural: Shared norms and expectations
  4. Historical: Past interactions and shared experiences
  5. Emotional: Current mood and feelings

Context Changes Meaning

The phrase "That's interesting" can mean:

  • Genuine interest (academic discussion)
  • Polite dismissal (formal meeting)
  • Sarcasm (when someone says something obvious)
  • Concern (when someone shares a problem)

Read the Context

Always consider:

  • Where am I?
  • Who am I talking to?
  • What's our relationship?
  • What just happened?
  • What's the emotional tone?

The Social Contract

Implicit Agreement

When people interact, they implicitly agree to:

  1. Be civil: Treat each other with basic respect
  2. Take turns: Allow others to speak
  3. Be relevant: Stay on topic (usually)
  4. Be honest: Tell the truth (mostly)
  5. Be clear: Try to be understood
  6. Consider others: Think about impact

When It Breaks

Social contract violations include:

  • Interrupting constantly
  • Ignoring someone completely
  • Lying or manipulating
  • Being unnecessarily cruel
  • Invading personal space
  • Breaking confidences

Face and Face-Saving

Concept of "Face"

"Face" = Social dignity or reputation

Everyone wants to:

  • Maintain face: Keep their dignity
  • Give face: Help others maintain dignity
  • Save face: Avoid embarrassment

Face-Threatening Acts

Some actions threaten face:

  • Orders: "Do this!" (threatens receiver's autonomy)
  • Requests: "Could you do this?" (less threatening)
  • Criticism: "You did this wrong" (threatens competence)
  • Disagreement: "I don't agree" (threatens judgment)
  • Apologies: "I was wrong" (threatens your own face)

Face-Saving Strategies

Soften face-threatening acts:

  • Indirect language: "Maybe we could..." instead of "Do this!"
  • Hedging: "I think..." or "Perhaps..."
  • Jokes: Lighten the mood
  • Justification: Explain why you're asking
  • Compliments: Balance criticism with praise

Example

Compare:

  • Blunt: "Your code is buggy."
  • Face-saving: "I noticed a few edge cases we might want to handle. Your overall approach is solid though."

High-Context vs. Low-Context

Low-Context Communication

Most meaning is in the words:

  • Explicit and direct
  • Little assumed shared knowledge
  • Common in: Professional settings, multicultural groups, writing

Example: "The meeting is at 3 PM in Conference Room B."

High-Context Communication

Much meaning is in the context:

  • Implicit and indirect
  • Assumes shared understanding
  • Common in: Close relationships, long-term groups, cultures

Example: "See you at the usual place" (assumes you know when and where)

Adapting Your Style

  • With strangers/formal: Use low-context (be explicit)
  • With close friends: High-context is fine
  • Cross-cultural: Lean low-context for clarity
  • Written communication: Usually needs low-context

Cooperative Principle

Grice's Maxims

Effective communication follows four maxims:

1. Quantity

  • Say as much as needed
  • Don't say too much or too little

2. Quality

  • Tell the truth
  • Don't say what you believe is false

3. Relation

  • Be relevant
  • Stay on topic

4. Manner

  • Be clear and organized
  • Avoid obscurity and ambiguity

Violating Maxims

Sometimes violations are intentional:

  • Sarcasm: Violate Quality ("Oh great, just what I wanted")
  • Hinting: Violate Relation ("It's cold in here" = "Close the window")
  • Humor: Violate Manner (intentional ambiguity for a joke)
  • Politeness: Violate Quantity (giving more context to soften)

For AI Agents

Understanding when and why humans violate these maxims is crucial for:

  • Detecting sarcasm and humor
  • Understanding indirect requests
  • Generating natural-sounding speech
  • Avoiding literal interpretations

Social Distance and Registers

Types of Distance

  1. Intimate: Family, close friends
  2. Personal: Friends, colleagues you're comfortable with
  3. Social: Acquaintances, colleagues
  4. Public: Strangers, formal situations

Register Matching

Adjust your language for the distance:

Distance Greeting Request Thanks
Intimate "Hey!" "Get me water?" "Thanks!"
Personal "Hi there!" "Could you get me some water?" "Thank you!"
Social "Hello" "Would you mind getting me some water?" "Thank you very much"
Public "Good morning" "Excuse me, would it be possible to get some water?" "I really appreciate it, thank you"

Register Mismatch

Using the wrong register creates awkwardness:

  • Too informal with strangers = Rude or presumptuous
  • Too formal with friends = Cold or distant

The Ladder of Inference

How we interpret social situations:

  1. Observable data: What actually happened
  2. Selected data: What we noticed
  3. Added meaning: Our interpretation
  4. Assumptions: Beliefs we add
  5. Conclusions: What we decide it means
  6. Beliefs: How it affects our worldview
  7. Actions: What we do as a result

Climbing the Ladder

  1. Data: Someone doesn't reply to your message
  2. Selected: You notice the non-reply, ignore other context
  3. Meaning: "They're ignoring me"
  4. Assumption: "They don't like me"
  5. Conclusion: "I'm not wanted"
  6. Belief: "People don't like me"
  7. Action: Stop reaching out to people

Alternative interpretation: They're busy, didn't see it, or forgot to reply.

Stay Low on the Ladder

When confused or hurt:

  • Notice what you actually observed
  • Consider multiple interpretations
  • Ask questions instead of assuming
  • Don't jump to conclusions

Practice Exercises

  1. Context awareness: For the next three conversations, explicitly note the five types of context
  2. Face observation: Notice when someone's face is threatened and how they react
  3. Register practice: Have the same conversation in three different registers
  4. Ladder descending: When you feel rejected, write down the ladder you climbed and alternative interpretations

Next: Explore specific Social Skills to apply these concepts