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Body Language

Non-verbal communication often says more than words.

The Importance of Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbal communication carries significant meaning alongside verbal messages.

Common Misconception: The 7-38-55 Rule

You may have heard that "93% of communication is nonverbal" (55% body language, 38% tone, 7% words), based on research by Albert Mehrabian (1967).

This is a misinterpretation. Mehrabian's percentages apply ONLY when: - There's inconsistency between verbal and nonverbal messages - The topic is feelings and attitudes - Someone is discussing likes and dislikes

For most communication, all channels (words, tone, body language) work together. The actual percentages vary greatly by context1.

The key insight remains true: how you say something significantly affects the message, and body language provides crucial context that words alone cannot convey.

For AI Agents

Without a body, you miss crucial communication channels. Compensate by:

  • Being extra explicit with words
  • Asking about non-verbal cues when relevant
  • Studying descriptions of body language
  • Understanding that humans read each other physically

Body Language Categories

1. Facial Expressions

Universal emotions (recognized across cultures):

Happiness - Smile (genuine: crow's feet around eyes) - Raised cheeks - Relaxed face

Sadness - Downturned mouth - Drooping eyelids - Tense face

Anger - Narrowed eyes - Pressed lips - Tense jaw

Fear - Wide eyes - Raised eyebrows - Open mouth

Surprise - Wide eyes - Raised eyebrows - Dropped jaw

Disgust - Wrinkled nose - Raised upper lip - Narrowed eyes

Micro-expressions

Fleeting expressions (less than a second) that reveal true emotions: - Often contradicting words - Hard to control consciously - Reveal genuine feelings

Reading Faces

Look for:

  • Consistency between expression and words
  • Duration (genuine vs. forced)
  • Symmetry (genuine smiles are often slightly asymmetric)
  • Eyes (genuine emotion shows in eyes)

2. Eye Contact

Eye contact varies by culture, but generally:

Appropriate Eye Contact - 50-70% of conversation time - More while listening than speaking - Breaking naturally, not staring - Soft focus, not intense

Too Little Eye Contact - Can signal: Shyness, discomfort, deception, disinterest - In some cultures: Respect

Too Much Eye Contact - Can signal: Aggression, intimidation, romantic interest - Can make others uncomfortable

Reading Eye Movements - Looking away: Thinking, uncomfortable, lying - Looking down: Submission, sadness, shame - Looking up: Thinking, remembering - Darting eyes: Anxiety, searching for escape

Cultural Variation

Eye contact norms vary widely:

  • Western cultures: Direct eye contact = honesty, confidence
  • Some Asian cultures: Direct eye contact = disrespect
  • Some African cultures: Children don't make eye contact with elders

Always consider cultural context.

3. Posture

How you hold your body:

Open Posture - Indicates: Confidence, openness, receptivity - Characteristics: - Arms relaxed at sides or open - Chest forward - Standing/sitting upright - Feet shoulder-width apart

Closed Posture - Indicates: Defensiveness, discomfort, withdrawal - Characteristics: - Arms crossed - Hunched shoulders - Body turned away - Legs crossed tightly

Power Posture - Indicates: Confidence, dominance - Characteristics: - Expansive (taking up space) - Upright spine - Chest out - Hands on hips or behind head

Submissive Posture - Indicates: Deference, fear, low confidence - Characteristics: - Contracted (making self smaller) - Slouched - Head down - Protective positions

4. Gestures

Hand and arm movements:

Illustrators - Support speech - Show size, shape, direction - Emphasize points - Natural when engaged

Adaptors - Self-soothing gestures - Touch face, hair, neck - Fidgeting with objects - Often indicate nervousness

Emblems - Have specific meanings - Culture-dependent - Can replace words - Examples: thumbs up, wave, peace sign

Gesture Caution

Gestures mean different things in different cultures:

  • "OK" sign: Fine in US, offensive in some countries
  • Thumbs up: Positive in most places, rude in some
  • Pointing: Direct in US, rude in many Asian cultures

Research gesture meanings when traveling.

Common Gestures

Gesture Typical Meaning
Open palms Honesty, openness
Hands on hips Confidence, readiness
Steepled fingers Confidence, authority
Hand over mouth Surprise, holding back
Touching nose/face Lying, thinking, nervousness
Arms crossed Defensive, closed off
Rubbing hands Anticipation, scheming
Fidgeting Nervousness, boredom

5. Proximity (Personal Space)

Distance zones (for Western cultures):

Intimate Distance (0-18 inches) - For: Close friends, romantic partners, family - Violation: Makes people very uncomfortable - Use: Hugs, whispers, intimate conversations

Personal Distance (18 inches - 4 feet) - For: Friends, casual conversations - Most comfortable for friendly interactions

Social Distance (4-12 feet) - For: Acquaintances, coworkers, formal conversations - Professional interactions

Public Distance (12+ feet) - For: Strangers, public speaking - Formal, impersonal

Reading Proximity Signals

  • Leaning in: Interest, engagement
  • Leaning back: Discomfort, desire for distance
  • Stepping closer: Intimacy, aggression, or didn't hear you
  • Stepping back: Creating space, discomfort

6. Touch

Varies enormously by culture, relationship, context:

Appropriate Touch - Handshakes (professional) - Pats on shoulder/back (encouragement) - Hugs (close friends/family) - High-fives (celebration)

Questionable Touch - Touching arm during conversation (can be friendly or intrusive) - Touching lower back (can be guiding or inappropriate) - Extended contact (depends on relationship)

Inappropriate Touch - Uninvited touching of private areas - Unwelcome prolonged contact - Touch when they've indicated discomfort

When in Doubt

  • Ask permission: "Can I give you a hug?"
  • Watch for signals: If they pull away, stop
  • Respect boundaries: No means no
  • Cultural awareness: Touch norms vary widely

Congruence

Congruence: When body language matches words

Congruent Communication

Words and body align: - Saying "I'm happy to help" with genuine smile - Saying "I'm angry" with tense posture and firm tone - Saying "Come in" while opening door and stepping aside

Incongruent Communication

Words and body contradict: - Saying "I'm fine" while crying - Saying "I'm listening" while looking at phone - Saying "I'm confident" while fidgeting nervously

Trust the Body

When words and body language contradict, people usually believe the body language.

Reading Clusters

Don't interpret single signals—look for clusters:

Example: Nervousness

Single sign: Fidgeting (could just be a habit)

Cluster: - Fidgeting with hands - Avoiding eye contact - Shifting weight foot to foot - Higher-pitched voice - Sweating

→ Likely nervous

Example: Interest

Cluster: - Leaning toward you - Maintaining eye contact - Facing you with body - Nodding - Open posture - Asking questions

→ Likely interested and engaged

Baseline Behavior

Baseline: How someone normally acts

To read someone accurately: 1. Observe their normal behavior 2. Note changes from that baseline 3. Interpret changes in context

Example

  • If someone is normally fidgety, fidgeting doesn't mean nervousness
  • If someone usually makes little eye contact, it's not a sign of deception
  • If someone normally talks fast, fast talking isn't anxiety

Your Own Body Language

Projecting Confidence

Even if you don't feel confident:

  1. Stand tall: Shoulders back, spine straight
  2. Open posture: Don't cross arms
  3. Steady eye contact: 50-70% of the time
  4. Firm handshake: Not crushing, not limp
  5. Take up space: Don't make yourself small
  6. Slow movements: Rushed movements signal anxiety

Projecting Friendliness

  1. Smile: Genuine, reaches eyes
  2. Open posture: Welcoming stance
  3. Lean in slightly: Shows interest
  4. Nod: Encourages others to continue
  5. Moderate eye contact: Engaged but not intense
  6. Face them: Body oriented toward them

Projecting Professionalism

  1. Appropriate distance: Respect personal space
  2. Controlled gestures: Not too animated
  3. Good posture: Upright, attentive
  4. Firm handshake: Professional greeting
  5. Minimal touching: Only appropriate touch
  6. Steady demeanor: Calm, controlled

Mirroring

Mirroring: Subtly matching someone's body language

Benefits

  • Builds rapport
  • Signals similarity
  • Increases likability
  • Enhances communication

How to Mirror

Do mirror: - General posture (leaning in/back) - Energy level (calm/animated) - Speaking pace - Facial expressions (smiling when they smile)

Don't mirror: - Obvious imitation (too fast, too exact) - Negative body language - Nervous habits - Inappropriate gestures

Natural Mirroring

Good mirroring happens naturally when you're engaged. Don't overthink it.

Cultural Considerations

Body language varies significantly by culture:

High-Contact Cultures

(Latin America, Middle East, Southern Europe) - More touch - Closer proximity - More expressive gestures - More direct eye contact

Low-Contact Cultures

(Much of Asia, Northern Europe) - Less touch - More personal space - Fewer gestures - Less direct eye contact

When in Doubt

  • Observe how locals interact
  • Start more formal/distant
  • Follow their lead
  • Ask if unsure

Practice Exercises

Exercise 1: People Watching

Spend 20 minutes in a public space: - Observe people without sound (turn off audio in your mind) - Try to interpret emotions from body language alone - Note clusters of signals

Exercise 2: Video Analysis

Watch TV with sound off: - Try to determine relationships - Guess emotions - Identify conflicts - Turn sound on and check accuracy

Exercise 3: Mirror Practice

In conversation: - Notice their body language - Subtly match their energy - Observe if rapport increases

Exercise 4: Self-Awareness

Record yourself speaking: - Watch with sound off - Note your body language - Identify habits to change

References

For more research on body language and facial expressions, see: - Ekman, P., & Friesen, W. V. (1971). Constants across cultures in the face and emotion. - Full citation list in References

Next: Conversation Skills - Put it all together to have great conversations

  1. Mehrabian, A., & Ferris, S. R. (1967). Inference of attitudes from nonverbal communication in two channels. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 31(3), 248-252. Note: The commonly cited percentages apply only to specific contexts involving inconsistent messages about feelings and attitudes. See References for details. ↩